Stories

My Dad Thinks I Don’t Respect Him

By October 28, 2020No Comments

First of all I’m 17 years of age and before I get down to it I need to address some things. My dad had been going to another country for business and what not and most of his relatives(and mine) live there because its his homeland. He’d been staying there for a couple of time the last decade but not consistently(after 6 months he’d be back home or after a year) and he came back summer after being there for 1 and a half years( he would usually come back for a couple of weeks if not a month and then go back to his homeland for business) but now because of the pandemic he doesn’t really want to go back (and cant really , because business is probably not good this year). While that time when he was away from home he usually called about 2 times a week to talk to his family. My mother always called him and talked to him but he’d always complain for me and my sibling for not calling him (my sibling is more than a decade older than me so my sibling’s life is independent despite living in the same house). I personally didn’t feel like calling, I in fact very rarely called (I am not sure if there were some reasons for that but I can’t seem to remember), perhaps it was rude or maybe it wasn’t I don’t know. While being here for a couple of months he was asking me if I want to go fishing with him like 70% of the times I told him I don’t really wanna go and more things like that because I was studying or playing something with my friends on the computer or just in general like not feeling like it. I must point out that in my country 12th grade is frustrating if you want to join a university, other than school you have to tutor because school isn’t enough and the homework is almost too much, so the pressure and anxiety is quite high. My dad started telling (or yelling at) me for not being respectful to him. Smalls things like that happen through out the week (yelling and arguing and whatnot). I love my dad and I respect him obviously, and in fact I treat both my parents equally. I’ll give an example of something that actually happened. I wake up, leave my room go through the living room to go to the toilet, while passing the living room I see my dad and he looks at me, I say to him “good morning” drowsily(while looking at him for about a second. In his mind I was not being respectful( if this were to happen to my mom she would be fine by it). In general, his mentality is that he is the head of the house and family(an old ethos). The reason that made me write this is because of an incident today that lead into a big argument that escalated quickly. So today I was in my room and my dad called me to help him for something that he was fixing (a shutter). I went right away and did everything he told me, at a certain point he told me “In my bedside cabinet there’s” when I heard that I started climbing down the ladder and was slowly going on my way there WHILE hearing the rest of what he was saying. After 3 seconds he stopped talking and started yelling at me for being disrespectful because my back was facing him (note: I was looking at him before, I started walking on my way to get what he asked while trying to hear what he wanted). That escalated into a huge argument. I honestly don’t know who’s in the wrong here. I feel very frustrated. I don’t want to seem like the victim though I just want to know where’s the problem. That argument in general doesn’t lead anywhere my dad is very arrogant and I probably am too. These months now that he’s home he’s been complaining that he’s nothing in this house and no one cares (“I’m like a ghost here”-his words). I can’t stress this enough, I love my dad to death and he me but I really cant tell if its my fault or not.

I probably wasn’t 100% clear but this is basically it.
Sorry for putting this all in one giant paragraph.

Sincerely, a troubled teen

HELP YOURSELF:

  • Thanks for reaching out to TeenCentral! We are here to listen to your story no matter what it is. You seem to be going through a lot of different emotions. It can be very frustrating when you are struggling to communicate with your family, especially a parent. Reaching out is the first step.
  • Sometimes when we get frustrated or overwhelmed, we tend not to communicate the way we originally wanted to. You can always try to write down some of your thoughts before talking with your mom or dad. Check out the “Tools” tab for our daily support plan or click the link below. This will help you collect your thoughts so when you do have a conversation with your dad, all of your feelings are organized.
  •  You mentioned your mom and an older sibling. It is important to have people in your life to talk to when you’re frustrated. If not your mom or sibling, is there anyone else in your life you can vent to? Getting some of these emotions out may be helpful to keep your mind clear.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • Getting out of the house might be another alternative to clear your mind. Try taking a short walk, or find somewhere quiet to sit. Get your thoughts together before having that tough conversation with your dad.
    • What is the worst that can happen if you try to talk to him?
    • What do you want him to know about your feelings?
  • Have you ever tried journaling? Make a list of things that hurt your feelings, or the things you want out of your relationship with your family. It may help, you never know til you try.