So, I have this friend who I’ve known for about a year now. A couple weeks ago we were talking and she asked me if I like girls (I’m a girl), I told her I have always been straight and that I don’t think I could ever be into a girl like that. I love my friend, but not in the way she wants. Was I too harsh and is it bad that when I think of myself with a girl that it freaks and grosses me out.
- First of all thank you for coming to Teen Central with this question, seeking advice about your reaction shows that you really care about being a good friend!
- Sometimes when we see or hear things that freak us out, or gross us out, it helps to learn more about them. We have a few resources for people interested in learning more about the LGBTQ+ community under our Learn tab in the Sexuality page. In this section there’s a lot of information on how to be a good Ally to your friends. By doing a little bit of research you are showing her you care, and making a commitment to supporting her.
- When worry takes over, it can be difficult to take care of ourselves. I love the new Sun Salutations guide in the What’s New section because it is super quick, simple to follow, and your body will really appreciate you taking some time to stretch and move through some of that worry. If you’re looking for something more introspective, there’s also a few posts on different types of journaling to combat stress. Click around, check some of them out!
- While honesty is typically the best policy, the truth can sting a little bit if we hear something we don’t want to hear. By being open and honest with your friend you are leaving no room for miscommunication, which is a sign of respect for her and for your relationship. If you do feel worried about her emotional reaction to your words, it could be as simple as a follow-up conversation to make sure you’re both still on the same page. Yes, it’s possible that she may be hurt, and it could be a difficult conversation, but a tricky conversation is better than assuming everyone is ok, and losing the friendship because the issue was never hashed out.
- If a conversation seems intimidating right now, you could take another approach. Try writing down all of the important things about your friendship, write her a letter, and make sure she knows that you do love her, even if it is not in a romantic way. How often do you two talk about your friendship and what it means to you? This could be a nice reminder for both of you that you are there for each other no matter what.