Title: My Horrors
I recently wrote here (four times! This is insane) and tried everything you told me to do, but nothing is working. And now I’m in a new hell. I’m way too terrified of going to bed, because I know what’s going to happen. I go to my bathroom and look in the mirror. All the objects are distorted except me. Behind me is my friends touching my shoulder, his face covered in blood. A rope around his neck. I brush my teeth alongside an onslaught of whispering and screaming. Cries of help. I head to bed. I lay down and turn around to my friends again. I fall asleep, wake up at six am for school. Head to the bathroom. Get ready alongside two people in my head, staying beside me in the mirror. I’ve named them Takii and Jigoku. They help me with my decisions and staying away from these horrors. They work in the morning, but they leave me at night. I’m dealing with this AND my depression and anxiety. My anxiety is on another level these days, and I can’t deal with it without referring to Takii and Jigoku. I know it’s unhealthy that they even exist, but I need them. If I didn’t have them, I’d probably already be dead.
HELP YOURSELF
- First thank you for writing into TeenCentral and sharing your story with us.
- We sadly, are simply a resource page and therefore can only give out suggestions for next steps.
- Do you have someone in your life that you can talk to about what is going on? Having the discussion with a supportive adult could support you in what you are going through. They also might be able to refer to another level of care.
CONSIDER THIS
- With what you are reporting in your entry it sounds as if you are experiencing some hallucinations. These can be very scary and something that a professional should really explore with you. The first suggestion that I give you is to talk to an adult about what is going on and what you are seeing and allow for them to assist you in talking to a professional.
- If you don’t wish to talk to a professional in person you can always contact the crisis hotline at 741741. All you have to do is text “hello” to that number
- In your entry you report that you feel as though they are a comfort to you which is pretty common , but it is important to make sure that you are safe. You could write down when you think that these things appear the most as to be able to identify a pattern to this. This could then be brought up if you are willing to speak to a therapist about them. You can discuss when these incidents occur and hopefully identify some new coping skills to utilize instead.
