Stories

My Mother is Homophobic

By October 26, 2021No Comments

This is my story. My mother is homophobic , I’ve been openly a lesbian since 8th grade , I’m now in 12th grade and she still is in denial . My life has been a living hell, I have to deal with her not accepting me , her telling me that I’m not gay. She forces me to wear clothes she know I’m uncomfortable in. She really causing me to struggle bad mentally , I just don’t feel loved at all and it sucks because you expect your family to love you unconditionally.

THINGS TO CONSIDER NOW:

  • Thank you for writing in and sharing your story with our TeenCentral community. We appreciate you having the courage and the willingness to open up. Not feeling heard or accepted by your family can be a very hurtful thing to experience.
  • There are many places online that you can go to for acceptance, support and guidance about how to manage this difficult situation. You can reach out to:Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender National Help Center
    Monday-Friday 1pm to 9pm pacific time
    Monday-Friday 4pm to 12am eastern time
    Saturday 9am to 2pm pacific time
    Saturday 12pm to 5pm eastern timeSupport for LGBT youth
    Youth Talkline: 1800-246-PRIDE (7743)
    http://www.glbthotline.org/youth-talkline.html
  • If you are ever feeling so alone or helpless/hopeless, and you start to have thoughts to harm yourself, please reach out to someone who is always ready to listen! You can call the Trevor Project Lifeline at 866-488-7386 or go to http://www.thetrevorproject.org. You can also call 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741 (crisis textline). 
  • Have you considered talking with someone else in your family, a family friend, guidance counselor or teacher? What about a community leader or spiritual leader? These folks can offer support, acceptance and a listening ear even though they may not be able to solve the problems between you and your mom.

WHEN YOU’RE READY:

  • We caution anyone from throwing labels on others without consent. For as much as it sounds you do not like being told who you are, we hope you can find more value and strengths in your mother than the simple label of homophobe. Acceptance is a two-fold word, it means bringing someone in and/or a willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation. Likewise, unconditional is a two-way street of both parties accepting the other without conditions. Some people just need more time than others to cope with change especially change that might be intertwined with strong belief systems.  It sounds as if you mother still provides and cares for you, albeit you do not prefer the clothes she buys for you. Have you sat with your mother and expressed your feelings to her that you feel unloved? Open communication without placing blame is a good place to start.
  • Have you spent any time considering the other parts of your relationship with you mom? Who you are isn’t solely made up of being gay, straight, bi-, etc. And relationships aren’t made up of just agreeing or disagreeing about sexuality or gender identity. Are there things that you and your mom have in common or like to do together that you could get back to? Movies, taking walks, listening to music, cooking, reading, going out to eat, etc? Think about what it would be like to spend time with your mom during which you both agree that sexuality is off-limits as a discussion.
  • Work on building up your support system so you have others to talk to. Join a club, activity, or sport. Is there a LGBTQ group at your school or a designated safe space teacher/guidance counselor?
  • For resources and other stories regarding LGBTQ issues, please check out our LEARN tab and look at the heading Sexuality. You are not alone in your story and you might find additional comfort in the other stories shared on our site.
  • As a senior in high school, are you able to get a job? This helps in two ways, you build your interpersonal network and you can purchase your own clothes.