My parents found out that I was a lesbian because I was flirting with this girl on my phone and my dad checked my phone and saw the messages, he called me from my room. I already knew what was going to happen, I was already really nervous and had hella anxiety. They asked what was going on and I came out. That’s when everything went down hill. They said “no you’re not” and I kept repeating “yes” while crying, at that point I knew they weren’t going to accept me. They took my phone and everything. They found out on a Saturday so, the next day was Sunday, which means church. We went, I don’t really mind church, I feel like God loves all for who they are and I feel like he wont be mad at me for being who I am. After the service, my parents walked towards the priest and asked him to pray for our family. I went to school on Monday with no phone, couldn’t vent to friends or anyone. First thing I did was finding my bff and tell him everything and I started to cry and he held me and said everything would be okay, I wish it were true. After school my parents picked me up, there was complete silence. Next thing I know were pulling up to the priest office for counseling, I got super mad. We went in and my dad went to talk to the priest first then I went in. The priest basically asked simple questions like “Who do you see yourself marrying?” and stuff like that, of course I responded with a man. He said that most people who claimed to be gay said that they were abused by the opposite sex, he asked if I’ve been abused and I said no. I started to cry from how furious I was. We finally left and I had to put a happy face on and say that I was fine, I never went back again. After a few weeks of my mom showing me videos of people who used to be gay and how they found out that God hates it and how he helped them changed, I finally got my phone back and everything, of course I had to say I was confused and that I’m actually straight. Once I got my phone I went to my social medias and try to come in contact with the girl I was talking to, I explained to her everything that had happened. After that, I thought it would be best if we just stopped but I was SUPER into her and I couldn’t, we kept talking. I tried to find counseling at school and I luckily did, I was super happy to have someone who I could talk to, but my parents found out and shut everything down and yelled at me. After a couple months of being happy with the girl, I got caught again, but this time it went worse, it wasn’t just for weeks it was MONTHS, 7 months to be exact, no talking with anyone. They caught me on snapchat, and saw all my personal things and my convos with friends, it wasn’t great. They said I was friends with to many people who accepted me for being gay and that it wasn’t okay. They wanted me to switch school to make new friends and start over but thankfully I talked them out of it. The thought of running away past my mind so many times, friends offered their homes to me, so I didn’t have an excuse for not going away. I didn’t go because I was still hopeful my parents would just be happy with me again. The start of the school year I got all my stuff back and I haven’t gotten it taken away yet lol. Being a homosexual in a home where you know your family will never accept you is really scary, heartbreaking, makes you feel lonely. If you’re someone passing thru the same thing, I suggest to be yourself, don’t let the way they look at you effect the way you look at yourself. I had finally figured out who I was and I’m not going to let their opinion change that, yes I may be acting straight again but in the inside I know who I am, and I’m more than happy with it.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for inviting the Teen Central community into your life. We’re glad you reached out to us and hope you find support here!
- You are going through a very difficult time with your family. Growing up is hard enough, but when you don’t feel supported to become the person you know you are, it can absolutely feel lonely, confusing and scary. We’re glad you have continued to advocate for yourself, seeking counseling and friendships with others that help you keep going. If you ever feel alone or need some additional support, please reach out to the Crisis Textline (text HELLO to 741741) or the Trevor Project Lifeline 866-488-7386. Both have people ready to talk 24/7.
CONSIDER THIS:
- You sound very strong in your understanding of who you are right now, and have managed to find a way to keep peace with your family. You are showing acceptance (not agreement) for your parents’ beliefs even though the their words and actions toward you have caused pain. We admire this quality in you and ask you to consider keeping the conversation going about acceptance, respect and leaning on your spirituality, which sounds like a strength in your life. Check out the TOOLS section for a Daily Positive Reminder and Self Positive Talk resources that remind you about the wonderful things about you.
- It sounds like your relationship with your parents is important to you. You’re making some very difficult choices to preserve your relationship with them. Consider if there are different aspects of your relationship with your parents that are positive and how you can make those connections stronger. Relationships are complicated, and just like we have so many different parts of ourselves, our connections with others are not just about one part of our life. What are some things that you and you parents share or enjoy doing together? Would it help your relationship, even though it doesn’t fix this issue, to focus some of your time on enjoying those parts of your life with them?
- How do you care for yourself as you are going through this difficult time? Take time to enjoy activities and experiences that bring you peace and help you feel grounded. Yoga, meditation, art, music, nature are all examples of things that help balance conflict and chaos in our lives. Check out the WELLNESS resources in LEARN and the YOGA and SUN SALUTATION resources in the TOOLS section for some examples and guidance. Also, check out how to use ART as a COPING SKILL in the WHAT’S NEW blog. Take care of yourself and be safe!
