Stories

My sister is 18 and is going to leave soon…

By February 2, 2021February 6th, 2021No Comments

My problem is that she had so many arguments with my parents and they are happy she’s leaving. My mom especially. The other day I went to mom and I said, “Dad says there’s only 16 weeks of school left”, Mom then said “Yay, that means 16 weeks until you, dad, and I are happy.” I looked at her and said, “The only ones who are going to be happy about my sister leaving are you and dad ….. Not a single bit will I be happy. I will miss her”. I then went up and started crying in my room because my mom and dad are so cruel to my sister. Here’s the bad thing, she is naive, she has PTSD, she’s a little autistic, she can’t do math, she’s….she’s just not going to make it that well. Don’t get me wrong, if she tried, she could be a total badass at everything. I’m 17 and I’ve always felt like her protector…and I’m going to be so dang depressed when she leaves. My mom is very mean and gets angry for no reason so, I’m going to have no one to guide me and no one to be there for me.

I keep sticking sewing needles through my skin because I need to take my sadness out. I’m going to face 11th grade without my sis…how do I do that? We’ve almost literally been through hell and back together. We grew up in an abusive family, have been to 3 foster homes, 1 homeless shelter, only to be adopted by a mom who hates us. Please help.

SOME WAYS TO HELP YOURSELF NOW

  • Thank you so much for reaching out to our TeenCentral community! It sounds like you have already overcome many obstacles in your life and that your sister has been a huge part of your journey. It must feel hurtful to hear anyone say negative things about the people we care deeply about. Likewise, it sounds as if she has been quite lucky to have you in her corner as a support.
  • Depending on what your interests are, look in to some healthy outlets: a new book to read, take up a new hobby (that perhaps you can share with your sister), or see if you and your sister can virtually take walks together as a new activity.  We have lots of cool tools and ideas on our TeenCentral page on the TOOLS tab.
  • Don’t forget your own self care and support system. It sounds like you have done a superb job taking care of your sister, but don’t forget to build your own supports. This is increasingly important during the current pandemic as many people feel even more isolated. Join a new group, reach out to natural supports such as family, friends, and guidance counselors.  What about another trusted family member? Is there someone else besides mom and dad who you are close to who would listen to how you’re feeling?

MORE TO THINK ABOUT

  • You took the first step by appropriately advocating for your sister. Good, healthy communication is sometimes quite hard, especially when there are strong feelings involved. Do you think that it would be helpful to go one step further and communicate more clearly to your parents, the feelings you have when you hear them speak about your sister in a negative way? Sometimes better communication comes from opening up and sharing the thoughts and feelings surrounding the circumstance. They might not realize how much it hurts you to hear someone speak about your sister.
  • Another way of looking at things is to think about what about this situation you CAN change/control. We cannot control the thoughts, feelings, or words of OTHERS so take some time to think about what IS in your control. It sounds like your communication skills and your our advocacy are both strengths you can rely on.
  • Try not to make assumptions about what others are thinking, but rather seek clarification about their words and actions.
  • Remember just because your sister is moving, doesn’t mean your relationship is lost. Think of fun and creative ways you can stay in touch with her like sending her TikToks, cards/snail mail, facetime, and or sending her cute care packages. I understand your symbolic loss with her leaving the home, but think about how you can be a part of her growth in a meaningful way.
  • Thank you again for being a part of our TeenCentral community and keep up the good work.