Hi! I am 14 years old. My life has been pretty rough and I wanted to share some things I’ve been through when I was little I was always bad in school and always came home to be grounded for my actions. I was grounded most of my childhood and really became used to the sound of silence. After a while punishments meant nothing to me, nothing was bad enough to make me stop being bad in school and I never really knew how to be good because I never was. When I was around 8 years old I was looking for shampoo in my mother’s bathroom and found some bad things and started to hate her for her problems and not respect her or even talk to her. I started to not listen and go wherever I wanted and got into bad things like smoking and drinking. In between, we moved out of the trailer park that I lived in for 11 years. Me and my mom ended up being homeless at least 3 times. I lived with my best friend the first time and got to stay in my home school district but the other times, since I was bad in school, I ended up getting kicked out of my school and I had to go to a behavioral school pretty far away so I had to get up extremely early and deal with kids who wanted to fight and didn’t have problems like me. Since I wasn’t in my normal school none of my friends parents wanted me at their house since they thought I was a bad influence and I had nowhere to go. So I started smoking cigarettes and smoking weed with older adults and staying where ever I could whether it was a stranger’s house or a couch in their house. I ended up being drugged and raped with my best friend. Me and my mom are still working on our relationship and accepting her even when she is under the influence since she doesn’t want help, and even when she isn’t. I go to a completely new school and I am trying to work on my behavioral issues but it is hard since I would never be able to tell anyone that because I would get taken away or have children and youth involved and I don’t wanna lose my only light in my life which is my boyfriend. We currently have a house after moving away from all of my friends and my grandma and aunt. But at least we aren’t homeless anymore. I would like to find ways to deal with the trauma but I am too scared to tell anyone this info. Thank you for listening!
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with the TeenCentral community. It can be difficult and scary to open up about difficult experiences, but in the long run it really helps. It seems like you have been through some really tough things in your life, but I encourage you to keep seeking out support. This is just the first step.
- There are victim support networks in every area that you can reach out to. Under the help tab on TeenCentral.com, there are many different resources that may be helpful to you. One of those resources is the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. They are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week and provide online counseling at www.rainn.org. It is very difficult to share your story, I commend you having the strength to do so.
- Grounding techniques such as breathing, meditation and (if it is relevant to you) prayer are also very helpful to remain calm when you are feeling overwhelmed. When you become comfortable practicing these techniques, you will be better equipped to feel grounded in social situations that may make you feel anxious such as school or home.
- Under the Tools tab on Teen Central, you can find some basics on positive self-talk and tools you can utilize on a daily basis. These tools may help empower you to speak your truth and help you make positive decisions about your life.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Try to come up with a list of solutions that can help your situation that are safer than reverting to drugs and alcohol. Think of at least three possible solutions. For each possible solution, ask yourself: “If I do this, what could happen next?” Write those things down. Sometimes it is helpful just to see the words on paper.
- Don’t be afraid to express your emotions. It is ok to tell those close to you how you are feeling and why. If you are feeling sad, angry, overwhelmed, or upset… tell someone that. Sometimes telling a trusted person how you are feeling can take a huge weight off your shoulders.
- Know that you are not alone in these difficult times. Write down some trusted people or supports that you have in your life that you can vent to or rely on when or if you are comfortable sharing your story. There are also service providers (victim networks) who will be able to support you as your heal from some of your traumatic experiences.
- Make a list about the pros and cons of disclosing your story to a trusted person. If it is difficult for you to talk to your mom, a trusted adult can be anyone; a neighbor, guidance counselor, a teacher, etc. Who would you feel safe with? If your answer is “no one”, seek out those victim support networks. Someone is here to support you.
