Hi. I recently started dating this guy. He’s the most honest and respectful guy I’ve dated. I honestly have an issue where I sabotage any good relationship I have with my over thinking and bad judgement. Always assuming that the guy that I’m into is always trying to hurt me. He knows my past and has no issues with it. He also seems to handle things really well. But I seem to have trouble with my trust issues … please any advice?
- Reaching out and asking for help can be extremely difficult. We’re glad that you trust the Teen Central community with this question, and we hope that you find the help that you need here!
- In this moment, you may be thinking and feeling things that conflict each other. Start with what you know. Take a moment to write down everything about yourself that you know to be true, this may help to ground you a bit, and press pause on those swimming thoughts.
- Are you able to process this out loud to a friend, or a family member? Processing and discussing our worries in real time over the phone or in person can help to calm our anxiety.
- Get moving!!! When we sit in solitude with nothing but our thoughts as company we’re bound to overthink. You’ll find a few resources like Sun Salutations, aerobics guides, or articles on calming anxiety in the Tools tab, or a blog post in What’s New.
- Sometimes, when we worry about everything that is going wrong, we can forget about everything that is going right. If you made a list of all the great stuff about your current boyfriend and your relationship, what would be on the list? The next time you start to have doubts, look at the list to remember why your current relationship is so important to you. If you feel comfortable enough, share it with him!
- You show self-awareness and maturity by admitting that you have an issue of sabotaging good relationships. We push people away for so many different reasons, and many of us are scared of being hurt the same way by more than one person. Are you able to identify specifically what you’re afraid of? Make a list, think carefully about each item and ask yourself what you can do about it or say to yourself when each fear arises. Is this a topic you’re willing to bring up in conversation with your boyfriend? A relationship is a partnership, and discussing these fears could be an opportunity for the two of you to grow together.
- You seem very worried about being hurt. The words and actions of others hurt a lot less when we build ourselves up to be stronger and more resilient. What are some things that you can do to care for and honor yourself and your strength? Check out the Positive Self Talk resource in the Tools tab, and make it a point to tell yourself something positive!