When I was in my sophomore year, me and my boyfriend would have sex anywhere we could. Especially at school, in a classroom no one knew about. I was young and horny. I thought he loved me. Then it started to become, he only hung out with me if I gave him sex. It wasn’t sex anymore either, it was just his oral pleasure. One day, we were suppose to hang out and I told him for the first time “no.” He walked away angry. I chased after him and gave in. It went on like this for awhile until he completely wanted to stop touching and hanging out with me. We broke it off and separated. A year later (Junior Year), I learned about sexual coercion and approached him on message about it. He agreed that he did show that he was upset but in no means did he meant to coerce me. I told him, I understand he was young and he did not know (as I know he is messed up in the head). I continued to tell him that he coerced me and I forgive him. He then started to get mad because I asked for an apology. He then claimed that I am attacking him and accusing him of rape. I told him, I told him for closure not to attack him. I wanted him to know what he did and how it affected me. He disagreed and proceeded to tell me “tell everyone I raped you, I don’t care.” I never claimed he raped me. I never attacked him. I told him my feelings and he flipped the whole story.
A year after the confrontation (my senior year), I found out people told him about how disgusting I was for having sex with him at school and letting him do his way with me. Everyone found me disgusting for having sex at school, but only I got the shame. I ignored all his antics and despite what he did got closer to his sister, who really helped me. She is currently trying to help him mentally and confront him to his family as rumors are said I was not the only girl he did this to.
I’m now in college a freshman and I am triggered when hearing about sexual assault. He is a year younger than me and will be graduating this year. I don’t want to ruin his chances in college, but I want to report him now that I am 18 and have learned to not care about the shame that comes with this story. I thought he was a good person and he would listen if I talked to him and asked for closure, but he completely changed the story and made me realize that he does not feel sorry for what he did. Despite agreeing with me that he coerced me to give him oral pleasure. I am suffering still.
THINGS TO DO FIRST
- First we would like to thank you for having the courage to talk to the TeenCentral community about these experiences you have had. Not many people have the courage to speak up to their abuser or to talk to others about their experiences. We commend you for your bravery and strength.
- It seems like you have a good support system around you with your friend (his sister). Never be afraid to speak out to anyone else including a teacher, guidance counselor, a trusted coach, or even your own family members. The people in your life that care about you will stand strong with you and be an advocate for you. Communication is key and make sure you are talking to anyone if you are struggling.
- Here at TeenCentral we have a tab about dating violence, click here to learn more. On this webpage there are some statistics about dating violence and some suggestions if you are currently in or have been in a violent relationship. One thing you’ll notice is that you are very much not alone in this situation. You will find that in the content of our webpage, and also by looking around at the other stories written by other youth over the years. It’s a really important to know you’re not alone in this.
- I know sometimes it takes a few days to hear back from TeenCentral. If you feel that you want to talk to someone right away you can use our HELP PAGE to find the right resource for you depending on how you’re feeling in the moment. A specific source that could be beneficial to you is The National Sexual Assault webpage or RAINN. There are dozens of tabs that you can explore to learn more about sexual assault and even a hotline you can contact. If you feel like you want to contact their hotline the number is 1-800-656-4673, they are available 24/7 and always just a call away. To learn more and to be validated by how you have handled this very difficult situation START HERE on our website.
- At TeenCentral we have a search tab where you can put key words and find other articles that could be helpful.
- You mentioned that you’re very triggered by any talk about sexual assault. It’s important to have really strong coping skills in place that will help you deal with this kind of stress. Everyone is completely different in terms of what works for them and so on this website we have a lot of different options to think about and try.
- ART JOURNALING – Start here by reading our blog about this topic. Art can be defined as many things, it could be drawing, painting, building, sculpting, or even just journaling. If art is your thing then we highly encourage you to check this page out and utilize art as an avenue to relieve any stress or anxiety.
- JOURNALING – If art isn’t your thing then maybe writing is. Read our blog about this topic. Journaling is super important when you are processing a lot of intense emotion. It helps you look back and remember what you have learned and how you have grown over a period of time.
- MENTAL HEALTH PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT – Learn more about basic mental health protective factors that are important in creative a shield around you. Click here to download this helpful tool.