Stories

Should I apologize given the circumstances?

By December 6, 2020No Comments

Awhile back, I went out with a friend’s boyfriend behind her back. I know I shouldn’t have. I knew it at the time too, but he told me he was planning on breaking up with her (can’t believe I fell for that) so I bullshitted myself into believing I wasn’t really doing anything wrong.

You don’t need to worry though. She found out what I did through a mutual friend. And then she paid me back good.

It was the first week of September and she confronted me in a bathroom at school. No one else was in there so she got in my face and started calling me a whore, a slut, etc. I tried to walk around her and get to the door, but she shoved me back and then punched me in the face! I fought back in self-defense and accidentally broke her nose. I swear I didn’t mean to do it! I’d never been in a fight before and had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t aiming, just swinging wildly. Anyway, she lied to the principal and said that I’d attacked her. Her injury (and my lack of them) was enough to convince him and he called the police and I was arrested.

I had to go to court. My now ex-friend managed to convince the judge of her version of events. I’d never been in trouble before and I’m a good student, so I hoped she (the judge) would be lenient. Instead, she read me the riot act before sentencing me to juvie for three months. That’s where I’m at right now. Luckily, the detention center I’m doing my time in has a small library with a couple of computers with very restricted internet access. This site isn’t blocked like so many others, which is why I’m able to post this.

I know most people would be really pissed if they were in my shoes. But, the truth is I’m really not mad. I’ve had a lot of time to think since I arrived here and I’ve come to accept that I wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with if I hadn’t been such a shitty friend. She may have attacked me and lied to everyone about what happened, but ultimately I’m the one who got the ball rolling and I take responsibility for that. My time here has made me think about who I am and what kind of person I want to be. And I’ve decided I don’t want to be the same stuck-up girl who got herself into this mess. I want to be a better person. I guess if anything good has come out of this whole situation, it’s that it’s given me a major attitude adjustment.

Which leads to my question. I’m thinking of writing my ex-friend a letter to apologize for my role in our friendship falling apart. Don’t get me wrong. I know there’s no hope of reviving our friendship. I just want to say I’m sorry for betraying her. When I mentioned wanting to do this to my parents during our last visitation, they looked at me like I was crazy. They couldn’t understand why I’d feel the need to apologize to someone who got me wrongly imprisoned. But I still think it’s the right thing to do. Am I wrong/insane for thinking this?

As of today, I’ve served a month’s worth of my sentence. So, two more months to go. I’m trying to stay positive though and make the most of this experience and I look forward to your response.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • You seem to have some pretty good insight into this situation that you have been going through with your friend. It also seems that you already know what you want to do in order to make amends with your friends. Trust your gut in what may help you find some closure. The TeenCentral community is here for you every step of the way.
  • Apologies are sometimes a tricky thing. They can help us find our own closure to problems, and also help us find some sort of resolve to a relationship. The tricky part is that we can’t expect a certain feeling or sense of gratification that may come with that apology. If there are some things that you genuinely want your friend to know, understand you may not get anything back in return. Weighing the pros and cons to apologizing may be helpful. Check out our “Pros/Cons” tool as a guide to help make your decision. Check it out by clicking here. Remember— the decision to apologize and seek closure with your friend is yours to make, don’t let anyone else’s expectations sway your choice.
  • You mentioned talking to your parents about this issues. Is there anyone else who could give you an unbiased opinion? A friend you still speak to, or a counselor in your placement? They might be able to give you insight into the situation that your parents might not have.

HELP YOURESELF: 

  • Writing is such a powerful tool in healing, I think it’s a great idea for you to write your thoughts and feelings down in a letter. EVEN IF YOU DON’T EVER GIVE IT TO YOUR FRIEND! Just being able to express some things and get all of those feelings out on paper, can feel like such a huge weight off your shoulders.
  • If apologizing will help ease your mind and put those feelings to rest, I say go for it.
  • You also might need a distraction from this situation. You may have a lot of time to do some reflecting in these upcoming weeks/months. Try something that you can do in your placement that will help take your mind off of this crisis with your friend. Creative expression through art or meditation might ease some of your running thoughts. Taking care of yourself through this all is vital as well. You’re doing a great job so far making changes and reflecting, keep it up.