Stories

So, I recently came out to my mom…

By February 2, 2021February 5th, 2021No Comments

Hey,  I’m 13 but I came out at 12 and I just turned 13. But anyway I’m black, African-American and its different ‘cause, no racism but, white parents make this news easy and they don’t care, they just want u to be u but black folks, omg!!!!! I hate, hate, hate it. So, I was scared to tell my mom I was lesbian and a part of LGBT so, I wrote a letter and I put bisexual to make it seem better ‘cause I know she wanted me to like boys so, I said I like boys but also like gurls when I wasn’t really bi, I was lesbian. She called me in her room and she went off on me saying u CAN’T like gurls u CAN’T date gurl u CAN’T know u like gurls unless u had sex with one and yea I was pissed ‘cause I didn’t need her approval ‘cause it didn’t matter and she can’t tell me what gender I can and cannot like ‘cause this is my life. Yea, she is my mom but gurlllll…this is my love life, so gender doesn’t matter cause all those can’ts was not even called for but it didn’t stop me ‘cause I’m still dating gurls and liking them sooo, yea.

WAYS YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF

  • Thank you for reaching out to TeenCentral. That was very brave of you, as sometimes reaching out is the hardest step. It sounds as if you have much courage for being able to come out to your mother and being able express yourself. It also sounds as if you also already have some great problem solving skills in place. For example, you took a tough situation and found a way to communicate by using a letter to your mother. I think if you read through some of the stories written by other young people, you will find that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.
  • If you navigate to the LEARN tab at the top of our page, you will find there is information about LGBTQ, which may be helpful.
  • Also, under the TOOLS tab at the top of our page, we offer helpful information such as, how to navigate DIFFICULT SITUATIONS along with some useful ideas for coping with stress, anger, and or anxiety that might come up while dealing with tough situations. If the situation ever gets increasingly stressful, we also have the contact for the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender National Help Center on our HELP tab.
  • Although there is a lot of help available here and other places online, have you considered talking face to face to another trusted adult who  may be more supportive than your mother? Do you have another family mother? Older sibling or cousin? Guidance counselor (yes, you can still reach them online), teacher or coach, religious leader? There’s no substitute for a real conversation even if it’s over the phone. Just something to think about…

MORE TO CONSIDER

  • Keep up the good work! You have already opened up the lines of communication with your family. Remember, change takes time for everyone, and with credible information, comes power and understanding.
  • Consider watching a reputable documentary about the LGBT experience with your mother and talking about it with her. Ask her what her fears are with you coming out, so that you can better understand where she is coming from. When people get upset, there is often some fear beneath the surface and this might allow you to better understand one another.
  • Keep a feelings journal and share some of your feelings with your family. Much in the way you wrote a letter to your mother, this might allow her to understand how you feel when she yells, or tells you that you “can’t” love who you love. There are other benefits to using journaling as a coping skill. Read about them HERE in on of our “What’s New” blogs.
  • Lastly, take care of yourself. In stressful times, we all need connections. Especially during these times with Corona, we all need to stay in touch with our friends, loved ones, and even guidance counselors. So think about who you have in your corner already and reach out to your strongest supports. And as I mentioned before, you might be able to find some really cool “de-stressing” activities on our TOOLS page. Try something new, and keep up the good work. Thank you again, for reaching out to TEEN CENTRAL.