Tired of it
I have been going through a rough time in my life. I’m tired of it. I was diagnosed with anorexia and that really took a chunk out if me. Before this I’ve been pretty good without cutting. But lately it’s pretty much everyday. I’m tired of my life. I have had more thoughts. But I just want to make everyone see that I’m happy so I always just act happy…
I’m tired of this sickening routine, and my friend going to ip; it just sucks. It’s like I have no one to talk to and no one to turn to. My sister didn’t even show that she loves me…
I just want this to not be hard and to not be depressed anymore. I try everyday to put on a face for everyone and I’m just tired of it.
- There seems to be so many very difficult things going on in your life right now. I’m so glad you came forward and shared your thoughts and feelings with us at TeenCentral. It can be really hard to be honest about what’s inside, especially when you feel that you have to put on a brave face all of the time. Good for you for speaking out about your truth.
- I can hear the pain in your words. For that reason I want to encourage you to keep some hotline numbers in your phone. You can call/text these numbers if you ever feel unsafe – like if you are having thoughts or urges to harm yourself please make use of one of them to gain immediate support. Call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text the Crisis Textline – Text “HELLO” to 741741.
- I was wondering if you are seeing a counselor or therapist. If so, is it helping? If not, have you ever considered looking into this? Someone who is feeling as stressed as you are may benefit from talking to someone in person who can help you sort things out.
- People who struggle with eating disorders and self-harm often have difficulty expressing their innermost emotions. As you so perfectly wrote, “I just want to make everyone see that I’m happy so I always just act happy”. The problem is, when a person does this, emotions tend to come out in unhealthy ways. What are some ways you can express your emotions in a safe and healthy way? Do you keep a journal, for example? Do you write stories or poetry?
- How do you typically manage your stress? Some people like to spend time outside. Others participate in activities like yoga or other spiritual practices. Make a list in a journal of activities you could try that might decrease your stress level. When stress builds up to an overwhelming level your urges for self-harm will increase. Keeping your stress level lower is one of the keys to managing those urges.
- Are you artistic? Do you like art activities? If so, one exercise that can be very helpful is an inside-outside self collage. Take a large sheet of paper and fold the two short edges to the middle. Open it up and on the inside create a collage that represents your internal emotional landscape. On the outside folds create a collage the represents your external emotional landscape. Activities like this can help you with emotional expression.