Stories

Trouble Keeping Friends

By October 4, 2020No Comments

My friend and I originally met 4 years ago. At first we weren’t friends till the 6th grade, although now we’re in 8th. I used to always send her funny things and she would always reply happily like normal. I’ve noticed a pattern with my friend ships: Meet, get along great, slowly fall apart, and either just stop talking to each other or the other starts ignoring / hating me. And yes, I know hate is a strong word, but honestly it’s true. I had this one friend and we got along great, until about the 4th grade. In 4th grade was when I changed schools so I lost a lot of contact with her. Although I lost contact in person with them, we found ways to talk to one another. Around 5th grade was when it happened. She messaged me saying I was the reason for her depression and she called me many names. (Bad words essentially) I no longer talk to her. Something kinda similar happened with many other kids, but most times we just drifted apart, which I don’t mind, although they now hate me and are extremly rude. So now I’m with my friend now, and she just seems uninterested in our relationship. For example, when I send her something funny she’ll reply with “ok” or “Uhm, whatever”. (It differs of course but its always something similar.) At first I asked her if something was wrong, or if she was ok, and all she replied with was either ignoring me or making it obvious she was fine. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel lonely, like I’ll never have friends. I’ve tried talking to my family about but them seem to care less about my problems and more about themselves. I have a councilor that I see once a month, but I know if I ask my mom to see her sooner right now she’ll ask why, and I don’t want to explain things to her just to get the same answer: Give her time. The thing is, it’s really hard right now. I’m questioning things about myself and wondering if my family is excepting of who I might be. But then I have a friendship on the other had that’s falling to pieces, while I also have a few family members with health issues. I know I’m rambling but it’s the truth. I just don’t know what to do but I dont want to give up, not yet. I want to figure out who I am, educate my family, as well as have some sort of friendship. But I don’t know if thats the right thing to do. Something else that definetly doesn’t help is I have social anxiety. Meaning, I have a really hard time solving my problems, considering they all have to do with some sort of social interaction. But everytime I try, people ignore me, or say my problems aren’t as big as theirs. Please help. (I know it’s a lot but I thought if someone else sees this, they’ll know they’re not alone. Plus, maybe I wont feel alone.)

 

HELP YOURSELF:

  • Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It’s important for you to know that we are glad you reached out to talk about lots of things on your mind. Talking them out, or writing, is a great way to deal with feeling overwhelmed. You seem to have a lot on your mind. You are taking an important step of again reaching out for help, in addition to keeping a relationship with a counselor and trying to talk with your family. You are doing great finding support for yourself. Keep it up, even if it doesn’t always feel like the other person knows what to say.
  • You mentioned that you don’t want to give up, and that’s REALLY IMPORTANT! If you ever start to feel like you are hopeless or helpless or really start considering giving up, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE or use these numbers to talk to someone anytime: 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741. Someone is always there to listen!
  • Friendships need time to grow, just like anything that’s new, and sometimes it takes a while to become really good friends with someone. Perhaps you could write down the things you enjoy about being friends with that current person, and some things that you are concerned about, and ask that person what they think. If they also enjoy being friends with you, they will try to talk through whatever may be bothering them. True friends want good things for each other, and don’t want to cause pain or upset.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • Besides the good job you’re doing talking to people about how you feel and what you feel confused about, remember to take time to do things that you enjoy – art, music, dance, video games, time with pets, taking walks – whatever it is that gives you peace and can be a distraction from the things you worry about.
  • It’s a good idea to ask your mom to see your counselor. You’re not seeing this person very often right now, and lots of people are feeling more stressed these days. If you don’t want to tell her everything, would it be ok to tell her you feel stressed, or confused, or you just need to work some things out? She would probably be concerned, like anyone that cares about you, and want to know that you’re ok.
  • You’re in a time of your life that you are starting to figure out lots of things that you like or don’t like, and different things about who you are. It’s normal to be concerned that people may not like who you are becoming, simply because it may be different from how you were before. That’s part of growing up. Give the people you love, and that love you, a chance to learn new things about you. You may be surprised at how they respond. They may like the person you are becoming even more.