Hi, I’m turning 18 next year. the reason I’m writing here is because of my crush. There’s this girl I’ve known [for a few years] and she’s been my best friend for years and yes I’m lesbian and she likes girls too. i love everything about her, her personality, her warmth, her love and how she makes me feel like I’m the most important person. but the problem is… she’s 14 right now and turning 15 next year. [I’m a bit older than her] i keep thinking is this even okay? am i allowed to take things further? i know she has a crush on me too but I’m afraid of this whole situation. and since I’m turning 18 next year I’m afraid we will be judged if we get together. i really like her but i just keep having this feeling of being scared what others will think. i live in Denmark so in my country it is legal for a 15 year old to be with a 18 year old, but still… we’ve had this issue before some years ago where she liked me and i really wanted to make it work but ended up refusing her confession and we talked about its because of the age difference and i guess we just let it go and now we’re here again. She’s the best person in my life and she gets me like no one else, she knows everything about me that others don’t.
Please help me i don’t know what to do and i need advice. i think my parents wouldn’t care about the age difference since my mom got together with my dad when she was 14 turning 15 and he was 19..
First I want to commend you for being so brave to reach out to us seeking help. I know for some, that can be very difficult to do, but you found the strength to do it. Now lets look at how we can help.
FIRST THINGS FIRST
- It has to be really difficult to share such sensitive information about yourself to anyone, given your situation. Even to share your feelings here, with our Teen Central Community, must have taken some serious courage. So, thank you for coming to us. Never feel you have to be alone. As you may have seen on our page, there are many other kids like you who have similar struggles and this is a safe place to talk about them.
- Some numbers may be helpful to your specific situation due to issues you are facing. Most of the ones recommended by Teen Central are listed on our HELP PAGE. The reason we provide these numbers to you is because sometimes it is really helpful to talk on the phone or over chat where you are having a back-and-forth conversation rather than waiting for an answer.
- You said in your story that you struggle with social views on age difference relationships and feeling deeply and strongly about others. I want to recognize how that may present challenges in your life and your relationships with others. The impact this has on your life can be very noticeable and I can see how hard you have tried to correct that.
- It’s really good that you are educated about the laws in your country. If you both care about each other this much, then considering waiting until the right age to be together might be worth it. Either way, think through things with your friend first. Talk about it. Be open with each other. Make a solid plan.
- Something to think or journal about: What emotion is loudest right now, and where do you feel it physically in your body?, If this feeling could talk, what message is it trying to give you? Also – are there any safe adults in your life who you can talk to about your struggles? (They don’t have to be family members).
WORKING THROUGH THE ISSUES
Anxiety: If you attend school, you may be able to ask a guidance counselor and tell them about your situation. In the meantime, you can work on some of your issues with tools we have right here:
Friendships/relationships: I know navigating relationships with others can be very difficult at times. If you find yourself wanting to improve friendships, our Tools tab has worksheets to help you work through this. In the meantime I have found a tool that might be able to help you right here:
If you need someone to talk to right now, you can also reach out to:
Crisis Textline
Available 24/7
Support to all individuals in crisis [available internationally]
Text “HOME” to 741741
www.crisistextline.org
Remember there is always more beyond what we see. We just have to be brave enough to endure the difficulties along the way. Continue to look for safe people in your family and friendships, or even your community. Focus your efforts into creating relationships that support and build YOU, and as always, Teen Central will be here if you need us!
